Step 1: Hint that you’re troubled to find things to do.
When she suggests things for you to do,
give them a shrug and reply “Yeah, maybe.”
Step 2: When she asks what you’re doing that day
list her five things you would like to do if you had the motivation,
don’t do them, due to your lack of motivation,
and simply let her know you haven’t done them when she later inquires.
Step 3: On a day when you haven’t done a single thing,
nor even left the bed until the evening,
let her know that’s exactly how you’ve spent your day
when she asks you what you’ve done.
Make sure you pay attention to her reaction to your lack of motivation.
Step 4 (optional): Hurt yourself physically, just like you used to.
Don’t tell her about this quite yet,
the time will come.
For now, you sit back and bask in your pain
as you wince as you lie on your side,
your cut arm bleeds again, your bruises screaming to be released.
Step 5: Refuse therapy and counselling.
By now, your behaviour and words should be getting through to her
and she may suggest out of love that you should see a professional.
At this point, angrily tell her you’re fine without it,
you don’t need help,
you’re working through it on your own,
and stomp off to be alone, once more.
Step 6: Have a break down when she confronts you about your behaviour.
If it’s taken her this long to realise you’re just as depressed
as you were when you cut yourself in school
then you may as well spell it out for her
in the style of a classic nervous breakdown.
Let her know, as you cry, that you’re most happy when you think of vanishing;
if applicable, let her know you’re hurting yourself again!
Remind her that, in her eyes, you’re only depressed when hurting yourself.
Step 7: Go to therapy or counselling,
whichever is easiest to obtain.
Talk to them as much as you deem worthy,
but make sure you don’t recall a word of it to your mother
when she asks how it went.
Allow her to know as little as possible.
Step 8: Stop talking to your friends completely.
It’s presumable you’ve been talking to and seeing your friends
less and less as time has gone on.
When your mother asks why you don’t see them
or suggests you meet with them to lift your spirits
explain that you don’t need friends, and that you’re better off alone.
Step 9: Stop seeing your therapist.
It’s been a while since you started to see them
and surely you’re feeling a bit better from it.
Why not terminate your sessions to pursue mental happiness alone?
Tell her you’ve done this, and explain you’re doing better.
Step 10: Go back to therapy because you realise
at this point
they’re the closest thing you have to a friend right now.
Tell your mother of this new decision.
Step 11: Start telling her what you talk about with your therapist,
It’ll relieve her to know how things are going
and you’ll feel better for having another friend.
Step 12: At a time you deem best fitted,
look her in the eyes and say “I’m depressed”.
Step 13: Cry in her arms, like you did as a child when you were hurt.