seeping venom

i dreamt about you a few nights ago;
the things i wanted to say to you, the things i didn’t want to do with you, the words that i should have said but never did.
point being, i dreamt of you again.
for the first time in 3 years, my mind allowed me to think of you.
it was difficult at first, but i became used to not thinking about you.

but not thinking about you meant not to think.
and to stop thinking meant to stop feeling.
and to stop feeling meant to become numb.
and being numb,
fully numb,
was when i finally lost myself and forgot who i wanted to be.

for a year and a half, i was nothing and didn’t aim to be more than

i unblocked you on social media sites, which was what caused my dream.
it took less than 5 hours for you to seep into my mind,
similarly to how you always did.
but i’m different now.
i’m better than i was when i met you.
i will not let your venom make me cry.
i will not be worried about the dream.
i am not affected by you any more.
i will let these feelings out of me.
and i’ll write them down, to be out of my way.
but i will not speak your name in my poem.
you’re undeserving of any recognition, and i won’t give you the satisfaction.

One thought on “seeping venom

  1. This one was really uplifting it made me smile! Though of course it is bittersweet there is alot of hope here. The writing itself reminded me of prose poetry, it was conversational in tone or perhaps confessional. The text was very clean and crisp, you didnt fill it with unnessasary drivle like i do sometimes it just flowed really well.
    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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