spiders

recently i find myself to be waking each night,
my heart pounding with anxiety.

i fall asleep to the racing beat of my heart
as my head spins

spiders crawl through my mind,
intercepting my dreams,
filling my head with venom and spit.

i have this recurring dream
that visits in the day
as well as night;

a spider climbs on my back
and wrap their legs around me,
spindling like slender fingers

gripping the way a friend grips your hand
when they need your support,
when they’re scared.

i think of this,
and as my body shakes
i remind myself over and over

“it’s more afraid of you
than you are of it.
i am the monster.”

i repeat this
over and over
until i find myself shouting,

“It’s more afraid if you
than you are of anything.
I AM THE MONSTER!”

as the palpitations dimmer and
my breathing resembles the waves of the sea

i realise the spider is eating me whole,
leaving nothing by the time it’s done.

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